First swim lessons today!!! How exciting!!! So much fun. He seemed to really enjoy it. We also had pics with my mom for her birthday. And dinner at Outback with Scott. Poor little guy was so tired, but so well behaved. Not a negative peep out of him all day. Maybe he likes being busy and just gets bored at home. What a GREAT baby!!! Hope the next one is as good!

On that note, I've gotten 3 faint positives on HPTs. I'm looking for a darker line. Maybe I'll got test now... Looks... unreliable. A light line, but nothing definite. Oh well, af isn't even due until Sunday, so no reason to get antsy so soon. And if I am, I have 9 months of waiting ahead of me anyway LOL.

It just struck me that I originally started this blog as a place to vent all the negativity that seemed to be constantly around me. Now, though there are still moments, I use it mostly as a keepsake of happy thoughts.

Mike actually listened to me yesterday. Will wonders never cease? He said that he was lonely and he thought it was just consequence of life with a baby. I told him he had been saying the same thing (about lonliness) for a long time - way before Spencer. I guess he didn't realize it, which is strange because he can tell me the exact dates he has had the flu for the last 10 years LOL. He said that maybe it's him trapping himself and not "being trapped". That statement was pretty painful, because it showed that he really has been resenting me (and Spencer???) for a long time and has felt trapped by us and family responsibilities. I'm going to try and just not think about it. When I asked him what it would take to make him happy, he said that he doesn't even allow himself to think that way and that he doesn't, believe it or not (his words) have a list going. HHHHUUUUHHHHH?????!!!!! I know he's talking about a rally car, or kayaking or decking out the big E. He's sooo grounded in material possessions making him happy. I guess he'll just never know true and lasting happiness, because that kind of happiness doesn't come from "things", no matter how cool. I'm starting fear that we will blow through the money as not too long after T/L dies and be broke and on our own. Mike will truly be unhappy then. Or maybe he'll be forced to re-evaluate his values. Just because he's 33, doesn't mean he's not just a big spoiled 12 year old on the inside. Can't be happy until he gets the new toy that he wants.

Wow, that was way more than I meant to get in to right now. Oh well, I guess this is supposed to be a channel for me to think without having to justify or even evaluate the validity of my thoughts. So sometimes I run a little over LOL. It does seem that once I get my thoughts out they cease to be an issue IRL, maybe I just need to get it out so I can organize it.

Enough for now...