God I wish I'd never even heard the word autism. Spencer's an amazing little kid. He really is. Today, when we got home from teh Y, Mike told him to go put his shoes away and Spencer did. He took off to his room, running as fast as his little legs would let him adn put them away. That's ANOTHER new thing he's doing. I showed him how to point to the milk picture to tell me he wants milk. He put his whole fist on it. Why won't he extend his damn finger??? And does it matter??? He definitely follows my finger to an object at least a few feet. I haven't tried across the room lately. The problem is getting his attention, which is I guess why I just can't let the autism thing go. I sure hope it's nothing. I think he said "what?" the other day, and he said something that sounded like "that" this morning. Please let him start talking and pointing soon so this horrible knot in my stomach will go away. It's just always there. It's nothing like it was after the first eval, and I was a fool to think that it wouldn't present itself in some way after this one. I just have to get over it. Yeah, he could start showing signs, but until he does, I need to stop freaking out. He does soooooooo many things that autistic children don't do. She said "they either are or aren't" and by that statement, he's not. Just laid back. Autistic kids are the opposite of laid back. Gotta stop torturing myself.

Poor Mike is also going through a hell of a time. I don't know how to help him. I wish I could. I feel like it's taking everything in me to hold it together as is right now. I never imagined that two kids would be so much work.

I told him last night that I knew we were going to make mistakes raising the kids, I just assumed it wouldn't be this soon!