And we are back. Been awhile, but my old fears are starting to rise again, no doubt fueled by grief and sadness at other events. On one hand, Spencer was picking up several new words all of a sudden and seems to have stalled again. Well, that's not true, he said poopy yesterday. He hasn't lost any of his new words, but he hasn't gained anymore either. He is 'talking' more and more, though I still have no clue what he's saying. It's so hard because I want to make sure that I understand and respond appropriately so I reinforce him talking, but I don't know what he's saying. I try so hard to figure it out, but I just don't understand him. I keep comparing him to the other boy at therapy that doesn't say certain hard consonants, so that 'tennis ball' comes out like 'ennis all' and if there's not a tennis ball sitting right there, you can't tell what he's talking about. There's also the social aspect. Spencer doesn't show any interest in interacting with other kids. He watches them, is aware of them, but doesn't try to engage in any sort of play. We have another eval in March, just have to wait till then. I keep telling myself that he has been late to hit every milestone, so that's all it is. Watching Rachel grow up, it is very clear that he's late. I can see her doing everything that he did, but it's like watching him on fast forward. She's doing things now that he didn't do till he was 13 months. Our speech therapist has said nothing about anything other than speech and his diagnosis is still 'mild speech disorder'. They'd be pushing for more if he needed it, right?

The other stuff is just to gruesome and horrible to think about. I'm trying not to, probably why I'm coming back to Spencer. Can I just rewind to Friday and not ever turn on the news again? He's been interviewed and the charges are now up to a grand jury, but they were talking about not tainting the jury pool, so I'm guessing they feel their case is strong. Or is the grand jury an actual jury? I forget how it all works. How very American of me to be so uninformed of our legal system. I went to the house and put one of Spencer's HotWheels at the memorial. It's unbelievable to me still. Watching the news, it's like it happened far away and it's horrific, but not close. Not our friends. Even when I see the pictures and the house, it's still so surreal.