Just how quickly can a marriage go from fine to rough patch? Oh, in about 3 spoken sentences. This marriage anyway. Friday night was fine. Mike came home in a pretty good mood. Work had sucked, but work always sucks. More since he's back at the old office, but what can you do... Saturday morning, we are getting ready to go to the mall, and I got annoyed because Mike is sitting on the couch with Rachel and not helping me get stuff ready to go. I had an appt at the Apple Store, so I had to be there and we were running late. So I told him (not so nicely) that I wanted him to help. He gave me the old "nothing I ever do is good enough." I think I said something along the lines of "Oh, don't start that shit, just stay the f home." Not my best comeback, I know. He came back with "You should talk nicer to me" and when I didn't respond (in my head, honoring his request) he continued with "but you're not going to do that, are you?". He could have slapped me three times hard and I would have been less stung than those three comments. I try so hard to show him every goddamned day that I appreciate him. Even on things that are fucking ridiculous. Thanks for taking the trash out, immediately followed by thanks for starting the dishwasher. Because even though I think it's ridiculous, he needs to hear it. I think through every time I get upset before I react (with that mornings argument being the glaring exception). I want to make sure I'm not just being a nagging, nothing's ever good enough bitch like Barb. These are things that I make a conscious effort to do every single day. Literally, I'm not kidding. I think about it consciously. Because I know that he job sucks and I want to do what I can to make his home life not suck. And he hits me up with "Everything I do is wrong", "You should talk nicer to me." and "But your not going to do that, are you?". Sucker punched in the gut.

So I just tried to get over it yesterday and today. I didn't want to talk to him. So many times I opened my mouth to say something, like I normally would. Share an anecdote or just comment on something, but I stopped myself. I just didn't want to talk to him. I answered him when he spoke, I didn't want to be rude or start an argument. I just wanted to let it go. I declined playing WoW with him last night. He asked to play tonight and I said yes. Mostly because I didn't want to explain why I didn't want to again. But I knew that I was still upset and I would not enjoy playing WoW and probably get frustrated 10 times faster than usual. So I brought it up. I told him that he said some hurtful things. Which started an argument. He punched a hole in the wall and stormed out. I called him awhile later to make sure he was okay. He said that I make it sound like everything is his fault. I said that the things I think are my fault I try to do something about, like censoring myself and thinking through my annoyances, and trying to tell/show him how much I appreciate him. But it's just never enough. He said that I make little digs and act like I'm joking, I said that he does the same thing. But I seriously don't know what he's talking about because I try so hard not to do those things. He said that I should stop trying to make him happy. And I said that he should not be so negative while he's home. So then I said I was going to return to what I was doing, and he got pissy. I told him that I was doing exactly as he said, not offering to play WoW or continue an argument - because I would only be doing those things to make him happy. He said that he apologized for giving mixed signals (I got a definite 'your right and I'm wrong, whatever') vibe. But I just backed off because that's what made me happy (well not happy, but not continuing misery at least).

He went up to bed, said he was going to bed, but not goodnight. I seriously don't want to do this anymore. I'm so tired of trying and feeling like I'm the only one. I know he's trying to find another job, I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about taking what he complains about seriously and trying to be a better wife. I asked him two weeks ago not to whine back at Rachel and definitely not to cuss at her (Goddamn it Rachel, that hurts - when she grabs a chest hair for example). He was back doing it again today. He was more tantrummy than Spencer - and Spencer was in an exceptionally terrible two's mood, and more whiney than Rachel - and she was also in a whining frame of mind.

But, of course, I'm the bitch and all I ever do is expect things from him that he can't deliver. And nag, and complain, and make him feel worthless. I get tired of being told what a bitch I am all the time. It gets old. Really old. Really, really old. I wish I could videotape him when he gets all whiney and tantrummy and then show it to him later.

In other news, Spencer refused clothes today. I tried to put a shirt and pants on him midday and threw the mother of all tantrums. Why? Who knows. He was happy to put his pjs on at bedtime though. I guess he's just a 2 year old :o). So he ran around in nothing but a diaper all day. Luckily he didn't try to refuse that, because I would have stood my ground. I also tried to give him milk and he got mad. So the next time I gave him something, I let him choose the cup color and no problems. Crazy kid! Rachel was pretty whiney, but also laughed a lot. Tom and Lucy came for a visit. Spent time with the kids.

I guess I should go to sleep. I'm going to stay on the couch tonight. I'm pretty sure that Mike will sleep in for the third morning in a row without even offering for me to sleep in. Something that I've specifically asked him to do (offer for me to sleep in, I mean). He's offered to go give Rachel her early morning bottle - and by offered, I mean "Do you want me to go get Rachel a bottle?", which is better than nothing, I realize - but Sat I had to go calm her down because he made her more upset, and this morning I had to go changer her diaper 10 minutes later when she pooped. Oh, but god-fucking-forbid that I don't say thanks. Grrr!!!!