We just went to the park and had a good time.  Poor Rachel had to stay in the stroller, but I assured her that as soon as she's walking she can get out and play too.  Spencer had fun running around and climbing on things.  I got some pics that I need to download.  I didn't worry at all.  I just reveled in his exploring and having fun.  He didn't play 'with' other kids, but he was watching them run around with a huge smile on his face.  He looked like he wanted to join in, but just wasn't quite ready.  He'll get there.  Maybe this summer.  I'm terrified of when they are both walking and I have to keep track of both of them at the same time.  I need a second pair of eyes.  Seriously.  

I'm still reeling from the good feelings from Monday.  Mike did a damn good job of getting the focus back on him by acting like a pouty asshole most of the night and doing a good job of bringing down my good mood.  So I'm just going to avoid him whenever possible for awhile.  I'm tired of him bringing me down.  Monday should have been in the top five happiest days of my life, but he just couldn't put his own shit aside long enough to be happy with me.  If this were an occasional thing, it would be different, but this is every day of every week, every month of every year.  I keep telling myself that he hasn't changed and I knew this when I married him, but I'm beginning to realize that he should have changed.  He should have grown up a little in the last 12 years, but he hasn't.  He really is the same person.  That's the problem.

I went out with some other moms last night instead of date night.  The idea of sitting at dinner with Mike and hearing more about how miserable he is just wasn't all that appealing.  I'm going out with Allison tonight (with the kids) and we are going to Memphis this weekend.  Dr.  Heather suggested last night that I have as little contact with Mike over the weekend as possible.  Which is fine by me, because I don't really want to be around him right now.  His most recent complaint/excuse for a pity party is that when the clocks changed, I made the judgement call to not move the kids bedtimes to follow the clock and didn't give him any notice (I suppose I should have sent out a memo a week in advance?).  They still go to bed at the same time, just the clock now says 8 instead of 7.  Also, I had to hang up with him on the phone to take care of a few things several times.  So, this translates to him "coming last" in the household needs pecking order.  Umm, hello, we have two small children.  Yeah, your needs come last.  So do mine.  Grow the fuck up.  I'm not bothering to try to talk to him.  We've had the same discussion so many times, it just seems pointless.  He doesn't listen to me or even attempt to take my complaints seriously.  He will just go even more into "poor me, everything is my fault" mode.  I'll fall into the trap and try to tell him why he's not such a bad guy, because I'm stupid.  And nothing changes.  I'm tired of the the dramatics, the hissy-fits, the overwhelming selfishness and all of it.  I don't know where to go from here, but in the immediate future, not being around him seems to be the most logical path.  I haven't really been talking to him for a few weeks now.  He talks at me all the time about stupid fucking video games that I don't give a damn about.  And I tell him things about the kids, but I haven't really shared any of myself for awhile. For instance, when I got home last night he asked me if I had a good time and I just said yes.  And that was it.  I'm mildly curious if he has even noticed, but mostly I don't care.