Michel hung himself last night in his jail cell. How am I supposed to feel? There is just no good at all to any of this. I keep thinking that maybe he has joined N and the kids in the afterlife and they are playing, smiling and laughing endlessly. I truly believe that what happened must have been a series of horrible accidents and at his end, he can be forgiven. If not for his own sake, then for his children to be able to play with him in their afterlife. I'm sure this does not make any sense, it is just as confusing to me.
I do feel like now that he is gone, I am finally able to grieve for N and the kids. I guess his being in jail awaiting trial kept some sort of tie to them. Like since we didn't have answers they aren't really gone. Now they all are. A whole family. Just gone. Poof, into thin air. How can that be? How can such horrible things happen?
I spoke with M and she seems to be doing okay. I guess it's a little closure. I'm assuming there was a note and part was addressed to she and F. I won't ask, though.
I did receive an email from another mutual friend, who was apparently very happy with the events of today. I replied simply that someone I was once was friends with had died today and there was nothing "wonderful" about it.
So I'm trying to push it aside and focus on good things. The kids are good. Mike and I are okay. Spencer is using more words each day. I'm not as surprised when I understand something that he says as I used to be, so that says a lot. Rachel is happy again for the most part. Still wants to be with me all the time but is getting better about being happy just being near me even when she doesn't have my full attention. So that's good. Makes a big difference.
Spencer taken another developmental leap. He's starting to line up cars and race them together. We made tunnels yesterday to drive them through and I'm pretty sure I saw him keeping them on the road part of the 'city' rug.
I guess that's all for now. My head is getting that been-crying throb. It just finally went away and now it's coming back.