Some things are going well, others not so much. I'm still on plan with the exercise, though I finally had to admit that Pilates was just not going to happen. I started a new running plan yesterday, as the other was heading towards a fictitious race date and needed to be revised. I added to it three different weight routines that I have to do downstairs as soon as I finish the run. Hopefully that will help me remember to do them. I'm very sore from yesterday's.
Food, not so much. I've still been eating at least one fruit a day and salad most days, but my resistance to snacking has gone to shit. New day, new start though, I will
I am completely off my antidepressants. Mixed feelings about it. I can tell a difference, I'm sure others can too. Then comes the big questions, which I can't answer for a few months yet: Do I spend considerable time, effort, and constant vigilance trying to be the person I want to be and fight off the parts of myself I don't like? Or do I just turn back to the once-a-day pill that will do it for me? If it truly is a chemical imbalance that causes me to be a more negative version of myself, then am I fighting a battle I can't win trying to be nicer? Ugghh!! I don't want to be a person who jumps to a pill whenever I have the tiniest of ailments, but I don't want to be too stubborn to admit I can't do it on my own either. Time, need more time, it will hopefully help me resolve the best, if not right, answer.
I have a small spot on my breast that looks and feels and acts like a clogged pore, BUT it's been clogged for over 2 months and no amount of scrubbing, clearasil, or peroxide has helped. I've even used a pin to pop it open a couple times trying to get to the 'clog' so that it can dissolve. So today is the big doctor's appt. I've read some on IBC and there is absolutely nothing that indicates that this is related. But all the stuff I've read is about IBC that's pretty much taken over the breast, like covering at least half. This is a tiny dot, only slightly larger than a pin head. All of the half breast IBC covered pictures I saw had to start somewhere, right? They didn't go from normal breast to that overnight. So off to the doctor I go. Best case scenario (from my reading anyway) she sends me off with an antibiotic, dare I dream for a cream and not a pill?, and says it's fine. Worst case she does the same, but tacks on comments about not liking the way it looks and tells me to come back in a couple weeks if it doesn't go away. I guess referring me to a dermatologist would be some middle ground, though leaning toward the worst case side. I'm focusing on best case and I'll deal with the rest if and when it comes.
We booked a dream cruise vacation for 6 weeks from now (39 days, but who's counting?) and I don't want to screw with that. I'm sure a double mastectomy and chemo can wait 48 days till we get back, right? Seriously though, I'm surprised by how well I'm handling it though, with the lack of chemical stabilizers and all. I did have an anxiety attack right after I finally made the appt. It was while I was on the treadmill and I forced my eyes back down to the book I was reading. I was able to calm my breathing and not divert my thoughts, so that's progress.
Oh yeah, I'm still working on the other goals. My grammar is better in all mediums, my closet it clean, and my kitchen is clean. All of those have been sliding though, so maybe it's time to up the vigilance before it continues to slide into 'not so much' realm.