Some guy hit on him. That was it. OMG! It's happened before. I
guess the guy didn't want to be or didn't know he was gay and kinda
freaked out, but in a quiet internal kinda way. He was at the bar
until last call. He was heading to get some dinner when I talked to
him a little after 10 (7 local) and that means he was at the bar for
7 hours. He tried to downplay his hangover, but I can tell when it's
bad b/c he gets really despondent and doesn't care about anything but
sleep. I asked him how much the bar tab was and he said he didn't
know. That's BS! He at least knows a ballpark, but he just said
"not over 100" like that's supposed to provide consolation. Yeah,
he's right, he's not the only one with an addiction, but I'm
constantly fighting against mine and he's constantly giving in to
his. I can't just give up food entirely, but he could give up
alcohol. I hope Spencer doesn't inherit that gene.

Anyway, I didn't get to sleep until after midnight last night and
Spencer is up bright and early this morning with no intention of
going back to sleep. He wanted to be walked around and was just
whining and pseudo-crying while I tried to sit with him and doze. If
I'd been wide awake, he'd have fallen right back asleep. I was
starting to get very frustrated, so I put him in his bouncy chair and
turned on the Baby Bach DVD. Great mom, huh?! using the TV to
babysit when he's only 3 months old. LOL

Trying to get ready for Memphis next week. I tried to call my dad
last night and he didn't pick up either his cell or home phone. I
know they like to be on the go, but I hope they understand when I'm
there that I'll just be hanging out at the house a lot. I'm a little
concerned because he always wants to drag me places so that he can
meet people and have hour long conversations with them while I just
sit there and twiddle my thumbs, but that could be more of a problem
than an annoyance with Spencer in tow. I'm not going to constantly
be dragging him around strapped into his carrier when he would be
happier at home playing. We'll see what happens. Maybe I should
wait until Tuesday to leave. I don't know...

I really tired. I didn't get to sleep until close to midnight the
last two nights and Spencer has been up right at 6 both mornings and
not gone right back to sleep either. Oh well, if I want to be a
SAHM, then this is what I'll have to look forward to. Still mixed
feelings on that. I do want to have the kids close together, but I'm
also thinking that I do want to go back to work. Maybe getting
preggo in Dec that way I could finish the year out? But then Spence
has to be in daycare for a whole school year and during a time when
his mind is so maleable. I just think that I should be there for
that. But, lots of parents are there for that and their kids turn
out fucked up just the same. And many parents send their kids to
daycare and they turn out great. UUUGGHHH! What a decision to have
to make. I always said that I didn't want kids because I didn't want
to lose my own identity and just "be a mom". But now that I have
Spencer, I feel like I'm actually trying to do just that! It's all
soooo complicated!