I worry a lot about S having autism. I know this is normal for a mother to worry, but his lack of pointing really bothers me. Granted he has been "behind" on every single milestone, so its very highly possible that this is just another example of that. S does not point or wave, and has no vocabulary so far. He makes eye contact all the time, though and almost always smiles back when we smile at him. In the last week he has become very clingy, but he has also become very affectionate. He's learned to give hugs and loves to get them back and just today he gave me two big baby kisses. He has ZERO trouble when we are out in public, mostly really seems to enjoy himself. Loves to look around, doesn't seem to be disturbed by noises, etc. When we were at a friends house for a playdate earlier this week, he tried to play with the other child. Who decided that a child's ability to point is such a big damned deal??!!

Other than that everything is going well. M built a railing for our deck last weekend. He was pretty proud of himself, though oddly seemed more concerned that his parents were proud of him. They are very proud of him, even if his dad isn't too good at showing it, just for being the upstanding man that he has turned out to be. He doesn't need to build deckrailings to convince them. He'll always see himself as the overweight kid who wasn't good at sports, but those days are long gone and his parents seem to have moved on. They like and love him for who he is now, but poor M can't see it. Oh well, we all have our pre-concieved notions that we just can't get past, no matter what. I was proud and impressed with the whole thing though. He worked hard all weeekend, barely complained, never uttered the words "good enough", and did a helluva job. Go M!!! I love that man!

Anyway, M is doing well. Off with friends tonight at a party for Miata folk. I thought it was going to be a traditional adult party (mingle and munch on finger foods), and he thought it was going to be Miata discussion all night long. He just called and said I was right and it was too bad I hadn't joined him. We would have had to take two vehicles - there's no chance in hell my 250+ pound, 8.5 months preggo ass is getting into (or more specifically out of) that Miata LOL. Also T/L would have had to come babysit, but they would have wanted to come earlier in the day for more Spencer time, and they are going to be here tomorrow anyway, and I'm tired too. So I guess it worked out. He's having a good time and that's what's important. I'll go along next time.

We went out today and I didnt' realize till later that he probably came along out of some sense of obligation because he knew he was going out tonight. Also, he seemed just on the edge of irritable a lot of the time (which put me just on the edge of bitchy) and I couldn't figure out why. I had told him numerous times he didn't have to come. Then he finally told me he wanted to stop and get some smokes because he as out adn it all clicked in place. Not having one by choice is different from not having because you are out. Hence, edge of irritability. Once we got home and he had a smoke, all was better.

Looked at elliptical machines today. I knew how much they were going to cost, but damn, it still hurts to here it. I really think that it would be much, much, much easier to actually use it if we had one here. I'm willing to give up the Y membership for the two years it takes to pay it off, and that will put us around the time when the pool is actually beneficial for the kids anyway. Yeah, I'll be denying R the joy of being in the water, but logistically it's difficult to get there anyway. I wish it was closer, but honestly 20-25 minutes off the round trip wouldn't be enough. I really wish that I could use their childwatch for naptimes and not playtimes. I hate the thought of missing so much time with S 3-4 times a week. If it was here and just in the basement, I could run down during naps and get my groove on. I seriously can't wait though. After I had S, the times I was able to get it together and get to the Y were heavenly. I'll also miss out on classes, but again logistically, being there at a certain time just adds one more layer of difficulty. And if there was one around the house, M could use it, whereas he's definitely not going to the Y. Not that he's not doing well with his weight loss goals! He's lost some noticable weight lately. I can see it in the way his clothes are fitting already. He said he was trying to avoid the food at the party, I hope he can do it, that's one of my biggest downfalls. Actually, I think I'm going to make a sandwich right now LOL BRB... yyuummyyyy honey baked ham and cheese sandwich. My dad bought us a honey baked ham for Easter, soo good!

R is doing well in my tummy. She seems to have settled into a more comfortable position for both of us. I've figured out that if I drink 2 L of water a day, the next day I have more energy and less pain, so I'm trying really hard to do that. Only problem is when I don't get it all during the day and I try to make up for it at night, I wake up having to pee more often. So far, though, that really hasn't been as bad as with S. I remember getting up 4-5 times every night with him and my max so far has been 3 with R, and usually 1 or maybe 2. Unless I'm sleep peeing LOL. The water thing doesn't seem to work for my hips in the middle of the night, so the chances of me making it to the toilet and back while still asleep are pretty darn slim, my hips scream with every step. It actually takes me a few minutes just to build the momentum to get up becuase I know it's going to hurt so bad. I accidentally (well it was on purpose, I just wasn't thinking ahead) laid down on the floor in S's room today and had to wait until Mike wandered in to help me up. I could/would have gotten up on my own, but I was pretty relieved when he walked in because it was a lot less painful with his help. She's growing everyday though. My belly seems a little bigger everyday. Poor S can barely see my face when he's standing at my legs unless I bend over. Poor little guy. It must be disconcerting for him. His little world is about to be rocked! All of ours are!

Oh, I've been telling my dad about how I'm trying to prep T/L for after R's birth and our/my (thank God M supports me on this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) need for privacy and to be left alone, etc. So what does he do? He starts talking about how he wants to come up and see us while we're still in the hospital and then stay for a few days. I'm sorry that you'll miss out on the in the hospitial grandparent thing (and that you're missing out on the grandparent thing in general to be quite frank), but NO! He has several reasons: jealous that t/l and my mom will be there; something weird about R being a girl that I haven't quite figured out and don't completely want to; wants to go to Dallas for Memorial Day weekend and a more timely visit might interfere; wants to help with S - yeah cause what S is going to need during these very stressful days is a virtual stranger taking care of him; and more that I don't know or have forgotten, but NO! He could have done that with S when M and I were more naive about our needs, but he didn't want to then, and now we know what we'll need. AND no mention of J coming with him for this trip! I would want J there too! He's part of the family! Whatever!

I'm getting alternately really excited about R's birth and really terrified. Both about the birth itself, and about life immediately afterwards. Nothing to be done now... Everytime I get a contraction that has pain associated with it - cause not all of them do, some are just pressure - I feel my whole body tense up. I try to take deep breathes and calm down, but it's hard and I know these are just the very, very, very beginning of what I'm going to feel. I remember from class the pain-fear-tension-pain-fear-tension cycle and try to keep that in mind when I have a painful one. Just relax or you'll make it worse, it's not that bad, perfectly normal, nothing to be fearful of. So far so good, but I've not had them consistently getting worse yet either. Hopefully, there will be no problem with the epidural, but I have a feeling there will be and this will be natural. Same nagging feeling I had about S being c/s. It's not so much a feeling, just a certain knowledge in the back of my mind, if that makes any sense.

Oh well, I've been working on this for two hours now, so I should probably go... LOL