Wow!!! Can I just tell everyone what wonderful thing happened today?

SPENCER ANSWERED A QUESTION!!!!!!

Now, of course, he can answer "are you hungry?" by giving the hungry sign or not. But it's the not part that is confusing. Is he ignoring me or is he not hungry? I don't know. Well I think I wrote that recently he's started answering Little Einsteins inane questions with something that could be no and something else that I'm assuming is yes. Well the speech therapist told me today to continue that with puzzles - i.e. Does the cow piece go here? no. - and to make it fun, like a game. Well I did. I went through the animal puzzle and incorrectly placed the pieces, all the while going through the sounds (he correctly told me that a cow says moo, btw). Then I did it again with the vehicles puzzle, but this time didn't immediately say yes or no. Guess who filled in the blanks!!! I still don't know if he was saying yes or no, other than the fact that he knows where the pieces go so I assume he's saying yes or no. I'll take it though. Just a couple weeks ago, moo was barely ooo, and now it's pretty clearly moo, so I'll keep working on it and I bet we get at least no soon.

As we were having lunch, he said nay to something and I asked if he was trying to say no. Well apparently he was so we continued to say it back and forth. Then we went to his room to change his diaper and clothes and I opened the diaper door and told him to get a diaper. He backed away and said no (his version anyway). That little rascal.

Rachel was okay today. Still fussy, but slept better. She cried a lot to go to sleep though. I know she was tired. I hope that gets better soon. The three nap thing isn't going to work. I put her down at 9 today and she fussed and cried until almost 10. She was up and down, though, never really getting to the point of real crying. I went in a couple of times and almost got her up, but she seemed like she was on the verge of falling asleep. Well when she did finally fall asleep she slept for 2 hours. Same thing in the afternoon, but she didn't sleep for 2 hours, more like 1, after crying for probably 45 minutes. Hopefully I can put her on a schedule and she'll be better.

At the therapy place, there are two boys who are clearly twins and who are also clearly autistic, in the classic sense. All I can think of is how does that mom do it. I'm sure she just takes it one day at a time and loves her kids like crazy, but man oh man, that's just unthinkable. I guess I should count my blessings. I was on anti depressants while pregnant with both my kids, what if that causes both of them to be autistic? We're still not officially okay as far as Spencer goes. Though my fears seems to decrease by the day.

On that same note, we had some success with pointing today. He really likes the mini-M&Ms. I mean he'll actually get upset if he can't have them, which is a first. So, I didn't give in. I calmly showed him how to tell me he wanted them by pointing. He got upset, and I just hugged him while he dealt with his frustration and then calmly showed him again. By the third time, I got him to extend his finger without me doing it for him, though I still had to hold his other fingers back. We did the same exercise again later in the evening and he didn't get as upset. He's so cute when he very carefully picks up on little m&m mini at a time out of my hand and puts them in his mouth. Really savoring each one. We'll try again tomorrow. I kept giving in the past because I didn't want to frustrate him, but obviously that wasn't working, so now we'll go wiht frustration and see if that gets results. I'm certainly not denying him anything he actually needs.

Onto Mike. He told me he now has a facebook and is corresponding with an old high school friend (female). He's also got a blog and I know the address. I read the first post on the pretense of checking out his color scheme and layout. I know I shouldn't have. I won't do it again. I hate this feeling that I need to check up on him. It's so hard for me to trust and I hate that about myself. God, if he did do anything to betray that it would break me in a way that might never be able to be fixed. He lied to me about smoking and I felt like my world had fallen apart. I've never trusted (or been able to trust) anyone the way I trust him. Certainly not my family, and never any friends. It's terrifying to me. It's a constant battle, and I have to repeat my "Either you trust him or you don't. Leave it alone." mantra every couple of days to keep myself from going through things I shouldn't. Anyway, when he told me about the facebook and blog, I just felt like there is this whole other side of him I know nothing about. I share every facet of my life with him, and there's so much about him I dont' know. He corresponds with people that he "met" online years ago while they were all writing Lara Croft fan-fiction. And I'm not even sure about that I just know I've questioned him on strange names I've seen in his emails and that's what he tells me. Yeah, it bothers me that he doesn't want to share his whole life with me. And how much is there that I don't know anything about? Ahh, this is where that mantra comes in. Either you trust him or you don't. Leave it alone.

Mike got a great shot of Spencer feeding Rachel her peas tonight. I'm going to have to go get his camera and download it. And, of course, what's my thought now - wonder if they'll be anything on it besides those pics? And cut to the mantra. Barb sure did a number on me. That narcisistic bitch!