My little boy is two today. Wow!! He's such an amazing little kid. We went to speech therapy. I didn't have Rachel with me (Lucy watched her) so I was able to peek in and see how they were doing. Jen said he did very well. She gave me more examples of things that show he's fine (turn taking, watching other people/kids, etc.). I also came to a realization that if he does have some disability, it is meant to be that he was born to us. We have the capacity for love and the resources available to us to make sure that he gets everything and anything he needs to meet his full potential. If his little soul were to have been planted into another body, maybe he wouldnt' have gotten that chance, and we wouldn't have gotten the chance to raise such a sweet little boy.

So anyway, therapy went well. Then we came home and played with Lucy. Then the grocery store where he had his first sucker. He took a couple of licks and then tossed it on the ground. After naptime, Mike took him to Target to get a truck. The crappy semi-trailer that came with his garage was quickly becoming a favorite, but wouldnt' stay together. He has a very nice one now. Then dinner (apparently he's not a fan of pot roast, so he has applesauce and peanut butter bread) and a huge cupcake. More playing, bathtime and bedtime.

Rachel was better today. She got both naps and I kept the food coming at mealtimes. She keeps stirring in her sleep now. She did that all night last night and I didn't get much sleep because of it. We went to the doctor because I noticed some blood on her urethra area when I was wiping her yesterday. He said it was just a little irritated from the poo, and to put some cream on it if necessary. And her ears are fine too! Clean bill of health.

I'm feeling pretty good. The panic attacks have subsided, I think it was just a gut reaction (literally and figuratively).

Mike is starting to have panic attacks similar to when I first had them regarding Spencer. His are not about Spencer, of course, but about losing his job. He's been back at teh old office for 3 days and it is as bleak and depressing as is possible. They have deadlines coming up, but no one cares to do the work. They have no business after the deadlines, but no one cares to try to get some. He's having trouble finding a job. Been looking for 6 months almost and nothing, barely even an interview. He thinks that the 16th maybe the closign day of his office. He's hoping that the other office will bring him on, but things don't seem to be panning out. He's been told by several people that they've got a job and will definitely hire him and then they don't call back. It's almost like he's been blacklisted, but he doesn't know why. He's starting to consider a change in careers, but to what? He needs to be at a certain pay level and it's hard to change careers and start off at a high pay grade. Between a rock and a hard place. This really sucks for him. I wish there was more I could do. We'll be okay, of course, we've got Tom and Lucy who would never let us suffer, but the thought of getting money from mommy and daddy doesn't really make Mike feel better. I wish there was more I could do to help. I tried to encourage him to consider other options. He is at a glass ceiling now even if his office were to remain open. If he took a cut to try something else that had more upward potential it would be good in the long run. I can practically hear Tom's voice in Mike's head saying something unflattering about changing careers at 35 years old. Tom lives in the past, but unfortunately he's the voice of disapproval in Mike's head, and sometimes in real life too. Things aren't the same now as they were then. I wish I could help more. I see him hurting and I want to take it away. There was nothing he could do for me when I was in full on panic mode - crisis mode I've heard it called, and I know that there's nothing much I can do for him either. Grr!!