Yesterday we went to F and Mel's house and took some food to them. Mel met me at the door and we just hugged and sobbed for a couple of minutes. The whole visit was so surreal. Their girls were at a neighbors and F was on the phone most of the time. He was coordinating with their families back in Canada and fielding calls from reporters. Some jerk with a distant airsoft connection even called to ask if F could be interviewed. F snapped at us for showing up now, which he was completely in the right to do. Even if he wasn't though, I have zero problem being a scapegoat for him right now. I'd go break the bulb out of their front door light if I thought it would help him release his anger to yell and scream at me over something right now.

They have two girls and accordingly their playroom is entirely pink. While in there for 5 minutes, Spencer found the one cna only car, of course. It is a nascar hot wheels and I'm certain that it belonged to V and/or J. Mel gave it to Spencer. It's his new favorite car. It is well worn and was obviously a favorite toy.

As we put our children to bed last night, I kept thinking that N had done the same thing the night before. And then M stabbed her to death and burned their children to death (allegedly). One of the articles mentioned that the children were badly burned. I wonder if he set the fire in their rooms.

I didn't sleep much last night. Mike slept with his head on my shoulder a lot of the night, which he's never done before. He said that yesterday was the worst day of his life. It was in my top 5, without a doubt, but the days immediately following Spencer's 18 month eval and the day my grandfather died were worse. He just keeps coming back to the fact that they were just like us. And they were, but so are a lot of other families that don't go through this tragedy. Mike and M were not the same. That doesn't mean that anybody can't snap, but who knows what was going on in their family. Money, abuse, an affair? N was working. Mike read somewhere that they had a third mortgage. We always assumed he made a ton of money, but anyone can still get in over their heads.