My friend has a little girl in a similar situation to Spencer. She is being evaluated for autism and my friend knows in her heart that something is just not right with her daughter. Similar to me and Spencer, though I don't know how much I 'know' and how much I'm just worried. I'm just one big ball of anxiety lately. Anyway, it was nice to talk with someone openly about my concerns. Whether we use the a word or not, which we both clearly tried to avoid, it was nice to just sit with someone who didn't placate me and say, "he's fine, you're just overreacting". Because maybe I am and maybe I'm not, but I need to speak my concerns out loud occasionally.
On a happy note, Spencer was much better today. Still pushing, but much more manageble. We worked on answering questions (as usual), on sitting at the table until he was excused, and on being nice to his sister (even though she is not very nice to him). He did great answering questions, such as "who's this?" and he replied "june" minus the j sound. I was holding a June figurine from Little Einsteins. I need to focus on asking more open ended questions and less yes/no questions. Though I did get a couple of yes's out of him today too.
Rachel was ornery as always. She wanted to be where ever Spencer was sitting and repeatedly pushed him out of chairs. She's picked up bye-bye and daddy now, though not consistently or in context yet. Oh and she drank nothing but milk today!!! Not a drop of juice. Hooray!!! I'd like to get her drinking milk as her regular drink and juice as the away from home back up.
If anyone out there knows how to get through this parenting thing and turn off the worry machine that has implanted itself in my brain, can you please share your secret? The truly fucked up part is that my kids are great and as much as I try to remind myself to appreciate it, I still worry constantly. They really are fantastic. Spencer's been a bit trying lately, but I've been pushing him as much as he's pushing me (with the story time and not getting up from the table and no chocolate milk until you eat, etc). Rachel is just exploring everything and demanding attention. I think when other moms talk, we always talk about the good things our kids are doing, so we get this incorrect image of every other household being picture perfect. And we go home and see the craziness around us and think that something is wrong, when it's not.
I'm feeling better now than this morning, hopefully that trend will continue and tomorrow will be better. Haven't had to fight off unprovoked tears for the last several hours, that's always a good sign. ;o)