But seriously, it's an issue. I ate a bowl of cereal for breakfast, followed by a Starbucks Frappacino bottled coffee drink, a V8, a Lean Cuisine Panini for lunch, a serving of carrots (yes, I measured) for a snack, and then a bowl of jambalya with lots of brown rice for dinner. Then I went to step class, and came home hungry, so I had another bowl of cereal. The only time I felt hungry through the day was before I ate and in the afternoon when I had the carrots. Every time I felt hungry, I ate. I dished out appropriate servings, but would have had more if I'd been hungry for it. I didn't deny myself anything.
Net calories???? 1098
Of course, all of it is just estimation. I put in 35 minutes of step instead of the full hour, but I didn't do step for the full hour, there was warm up cool down, sit ups, stretching, muscle toning, etc. And the 35 minutes came up as 550 calories or something like that. That seems reasonable for what I did over the full hour.
The problem then is that I'm not eating enough. 1100 net calories is not a big deal for one day. But after a week or two, it is. The body starts to go into starvation mode and uses muscle for energy, assuming it will need the fat for later. Metabolism slows down, and weight loss becomes the enemy (physiologically anyway).
So do I eat more? Even though I don't want it?
I am honestly trying to make a lifestyle change here, not crash diet. I want to learn how to leave emotion out of eating, and not eat unconsciously. I want to learn how to enjoy the food I eat, even if it's "bad" instead of feeling guilty and ashamed. I want to stop thinking of food in terms of good and bad and just enjoy food as part of my life, but not the center of it. So I'm feeling like I'm doing that. Eating greater variety, only when I'm hungry (but not waiting till I'm starving), making choices for health benefits as well as caloric concerns and stopping when I'm satisfied.
And I'm still failing!!!!! Because now I'm not eating enough. GGGGGGRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!
Oh well, I'm going to keep on going as I am and hopefully my body will not go into starvation mode. I've never been a crash dieter, so that should help. I've 'tried' to cut back here and there, but other than Atkins a few years ago I've not done any diet plans. After 9 months on Atkins, I had lost 40 pounds. I transitioned to a low fat/cal diet and continued to lose another 40. So I don't really consider that crash dieting, either. If I hadn't gotten pregnant (or had had a plan for managing my weight when I did) I think I'd probably still have that weight off now.
On a good note, I had a major success tonight. Spencer had asked for pizza for dinner. I was pretty sure he wasn't going to eat the meal I'd prepared so I obliged and made him and Rachel little pizzas. During dinner Mike had a bite of Spencer's and said it tasted like elementary school pizza, not good. Later, after my workout, I ran by Target and saw a new cereal on display. It wasn't too unhealthy and I was hungry, so I decided to get it and have a bowl when I got home. After I got home and put everything away, Mike was having pieces of the leftover kid's pizza (the one that didn't taste very good). I said that I'd like a piece too and he handed me one. And that right there is the problem.
This is classic Chris eating behavior. Yes, I was hungry, but that was really beside the point, the situation would not have changed even if I was stuffed full. It was cold, not good even when hot, the epitome of bad pizza. But I took a piece and put it to my mouth. Because it was there. Just because it was there.
I actually had it in my mouth before I came to my senses and put it down and walked away. I made my bowl of cereal and ate it as I had planned. It was delicious. Huge success!!! And I really, really, really don't count that as denying myself something, I'm certainly not going to be craving cold, elementary style pizza because of it lol.
Okay, enough about body image issues. Spencer and I are going to check out a preschool tomorrow! I'm really excited. Now that the 4 days a week thing is off the table, I find myself much more ready to embrace this. I really think he's ready for a typical 2 day a week preschool. Fingers crossed that it goes well!