I don't get it. How can a 33 year old man think that it is acceptable to get sloppy drunk in the middle of the afternoon? I don't really think there's an appropriate time at all for that to happen, but certainly not in the middle of the afternoon. I should have know when he didn't call or return my call. I'm so angry. Actually, I'm not really angry, I'm hurt, ashamed, disgusted and terrified. I'm terrified that Spencer will turn out the same.
Mike has now broken every promise he made to me about his drinking after Spencer was born. He promised that he wouldn't drink everynight, which though he doesn't drink EVERY night, he has beer the majority of them. He promised he wouldn't drink until after Spencer was in bed. Well, that got plain blown out the water. Several times I've had to ask him to stop drinking so that he's sober enough to give Spencer a bath and put him to bed. And then the biggie yesterday. He promised not to be drunk like that in front of Spencer. I don't want Spencer to grow up and think that it's normal or acceptable to be like that.
A little background to refresh my memory when I read this later... I promised Mike we'd buy him a new MacBook Pro if he'd quit smoking for good. To my complete surprise, he agreed. Though he commented that he would take "the world" up on this offer, which stung a little (okay, a lot if I'm still bothered by this off-hand comment a few days later) because I offered, not "the world", but whatever. So Saturday, we went to the Apple Store and bought the laptop. On the way out he smoke his last cigarette and unceremoniously pitched the remainder of the pack. I was so proud. He was a little grumpy and a little (very little) rough with Spencer that evening. Sunday morning he got Spencer up and everything seemed fine. He took care of a couple of things and then told me he was going to head out and see a movie and goof off some. I figured he would and said as much, so we left at the same time. Spencer and I to the grocery and Mike to parts unknown. This was about 10:15
About 3PM, I called Mike to check in. Usually he would have called before that, but since he was seeing a movie and I didn't know what time I just figured he was busy. I had hesitated to call him until then, for the same reason. I left a voicemail and got not response. Shortly before 5PM, I called again. This time, he answered. It didn't hit me at first how slurred his words were, but he said he was going to call me in a little while. I replied something snotty like, "thanks for thinking of me". He then told me that he was at a bar just a little up the road and yes, he would eventually need a ride home. My blood went to boiling immediately. Hmmmm, lets think for a moment, where is the most logical place to hang out and get your mind off of quitting smoking? A bar, of course, nobody smokes there and there's nothing to remind you of it. Quitting smoking was/is just another excuse to get drunk. I have no idea how long he was there, or if he even went to see a movie, or went anywhere else at all for that matter. Okay, so I was pissed. A grown man sitting in a bar getting drunk in the middle of the afternoon. Lets not even consider how much money he spent for the moment. Then it gets infinitely worse...
About 20 minutes later, Mike staggers (and I mean staggers) in the door. He WALKED home. He could have been hit by a car. The way he was walking, I'm surprised he even made it. He could have passed out on the side of the road. He made it to the couch where he proceeded to sit down and become "part of the family". He couldn't even cross his ankles. It literally took him 3 tries to get one leg on top the other. I was so ashamed and disgusted. I tried to keep Spencer from seeing him, but Spencer loves his daddy, so he just kept looking over at him adoringly and it BROKE MY HEART. Mike had one eye kinda open and the mostly shut and kept trying to talk. His words were so slurred I didn't know what he was saying most of the time. He was so incoherent at one point that Spencer got scared and almost started crying. I took Spencer into the front room and started reading a book to him, but Mike didn't take the hint and just kept trying to talk to us. I don't know what he was saying and I was so hurt that he would keep shoving his drunkenness in my face. He knows how I feel about it. Why couldn't he just go into the bedroom and pass out and leave me and Spencer alone??? Eventually his words became grunts and groans. Around 7 when Spencer started to get tired and a little fussy, Mike kept telling him to sush. When the alarm went off to feed the dogs, Mike told Monkey to shut up. Mike at one point did remark to me that I should just take care of Spencer and leave him be. This was immediately after he FELL onto the coffee table while trying to lay down on the couch. Like he needs to remind ME to take care of Spencer. So anyway, while giving Spencer a bath, I got really sick (again, gotta love morning sickness) and threw up on the toilet. Mike had no clue, he was dead to the world. Then for no reason, Spencer was screaming at the top of his lungs. It took me three different tries to calm him and get him to fall asleep. I think he had a little heartburn, because he was burping and crying at the same time. Poor little guy. So I did eventually get him to sleep, but needless to say, Mike didn't react at all or hear a thing. He was passed out the rest of the night.
So what to do about it? He will probably come home and act like nothing happened or that it was no big deal and I'm overreacting. It is and I'm not, and I'm tired of letting him convince me otherwise. His alcoholism is going to tear this marriage apart. I've told him this before and he continues to carry on as if he behavior is completely normal. The way I see it, one of two things is going to happen: 1) I'm going to ask/tell him to quit for the sake of our family/marriage. This will lead to either his bitter resentment or his starting drinking again eventually or most likely both. 2) He will not admit that there a problem and eventually it will be such a HUGE issue between us that we will fall apart. Either way, I lose Mike to the alcohol. And just for the record, I've tried the first scenario before so I know that it's accurate. I usually cave and say "fine, have a beer." because I can't stand the resentment in his every action towards me.
It's a no win situation. His drinking gets in the way of every good time we have. We've never had a totally fight-free vacation because of it. It's a problem for me almost every night. He doesn't care, though, and he just keeps on drinking and thinks I'm the one with the problem. I don't know what to do. I can't let Spencer grow up thinking it's normal, though, I just can't.