I really don’t even know what to say at this point. Everything was going well. M and I were getting along great and then I had to go and screw it up. I had to ask about the smoking. I had to bring up that it was a breech of trust and that he made a promise to quit. He, of course, didn’t want to talk about it. I can’t blame him, who wants to have a conversation where there’s no upside for them? I just kept pushing like an idiot. “You made a promise, and you break it everyday,” etc. It’s not about smoking, of course, I just want him to honor his promise. The promise just happened to be, in this case, about smoking. So now, he wants to go to this Friday night thing at the game store, but he won’t for many reasons, not the least of which being the temptation to smoke. Ironically, if we hadn’t had the conversation, he probably wouldn’t have gone anyway, but now it can be an excuse to wallow in self-pity and we can have another “fun” weekend. There’s a card game on Sunday that he probably won’t go to, because of my issues (re: trust after the lies regarding smoking), and because of the temptation to smoke. I just keep him from doing everything, don’t I? Regardless of the fact that I’ve told him repeatedly to go to both. I hope I didn’t just ruin the whole weekend. I was looking forward to a weekend when we weren’t constantly tense. What does Mike always say, “Hope in one hand, shit in the other…”

He’s off to bed now, without so much as a “goodnight”. I love my life…

How did things get so good (Spencer and Rachel-to-be) and so bad (the constant turmoil I’m in over my marriage) at the same time? And how can it make sense that those two things be so intimately intertwined?