Barely holding it together. Another reminder, however innocent, and I'm thrown into yet another tailspin. So I'm fighting through it, but barely. I JUST WANT IT TO GO AWAY!!!!! Other than that it was a pretty good day. We took Mike to his appt this morning, for his follow up. His eyes look fine. He's milking it for all it's worth, of course. But that was expected. Doesn't make it much easier, especially when I don't feel good physically or mentally, but it's not like I didn't know it was coming. I wish that I could milk things like that too, but I can't. He did come out to the couch to sleep last night because Rachel was fussing and we both thought that a good night's sleep might help me kick this thing. Accordingly, he didn't get much sleep, and that's why he's so tired today. Spencer was kinda whiny today before his nap. Rachel was still a diahrea queen (and I know I spell that word differently every time I type it and it is always wrong). This evening though she made a BUNCH of farts, I mean a lot of farts, but no liquid poopies along with them, so maybe that's a good sign. She went to sleep finally after all the farts. She's also chewing her hands like crazy and that just started this evening, so maybe we got toofers coming too.

After naptime, I took Spencer to the zoo. I had my breakdown during naptime which is typical. I always seem to have the panic attacks while he's asleep (or I'm not with him for whatever reason). Funtimes in Chris' head, let me tell you... Anyway, we went to the zoo and had fun. He loved seeing the animals. That in itself is an improvement, becuase when we went back in the spring he wasn't interested at all, and he wouldn't look at anything I was trying to point out to him. Today though, he was so pretty excited. I thought he was going to climb out of my arms and into the tiger exhibit. It was also nice to have some time with Spencer without the constant balancing act of him and Rachel. She stayed home with Daddy. Spencer didn't tell me he was hungry until we were getting in the van on the way home, which means we skipped lunch altogether. That wasn't my plan, but the place I'd planned on grabbing some pizza from at teh zoo was closed and all I saw available were those nasty nachos and goop cheese things. If he'd been signing hungry I'd have gotten one, but he didn't so I didn't.

Oh, the really good news of the day. Spencer went to the m&m's and pointed to them to ask for them without me so much as looking at them. He was pushing his car around the living room and he walked into the playroom (I was with Rachel), went to the ledge and pointed up at the little container. Yippee!!! We're getting there. But he thinks the pictures below the TV of all his shows are buttons, he goes up and pushes them all. Yesterday I was trying to watch Grey (totally unsuccessfully) and he walked up to the TV and kept pressing his finger to each one like buttons. Crazy child. He's communicating alright.

His jargoning has actually come a long way. He was walking up to Rachel's bottle (sitting next to me on floor, Rachel in my arms - I'd just put it down), and I covered it with my hand. Then I moved my hand, and he reached again and I put my hand back again. Like keep away. He moved my hand and said something like 'stop it'. He picked up the bottle and gave it to Rachel. Unfortunately she didn't want it, which is why it was on the floor and not in her mouth, and he got frustrated, but that's okay. He also gave her hugs earlier.