We went to a playdate this morning. Remember when I said that Spencer acts at the Y just like every other kid? Well, not so much this morning. He quietly played with all the new cars, firetrucks, etc. that the other little boys had. He, however, did not have much interaction with the other kids at all. Only when he wanted a car that they had or something like that. Oh well. Trying not to dwell on it. He just likes to do his own thing. Nothing wrong with that. He was also the only kid who didn't have to be reprimanded in any way the whole time. He just played happily by himself. Rachel was good too. She took most of a bottle. She was very tired though. When it was a few minutes past naptime, Spencer came to me and said 'bye-bye'. So it was time to go and they both crashed hard as soon as we got home.

I found out that Mike's appt tonight is at 615, so he can get home in time for me to take the 745 appt. So I called and got it. So I have Tuesday appts for the next 4 weeks. Mike was pretty anxious to see me get the appts. I guess he thinks I really need help. I feel like such a cliche going to therapy. Oh well. Trying not to dwell on it. That's becoming a theme I think.

Have to go to the grocery this afternoon to pick up a few things. Then my mom is coming tomorrow, Thursday is Thanksgiving, nothing on Friday -we'll probably go to the Y.

I think the biggest thing my future self will get from reading this is how incredibly boring my life is.

And one more thing, my breasts are very tender. I felt myself ovulate over the weekend (I never used to feel that, but I've had my uterus cut open twice now, so I guess that makes a difference). If I'm pregnant, I'll seriously go insane. I cannot handle that right now. I'm sure it's just my mind looking for more crises because I'm so bored. Maybe I should go back to work.

Goals:

1. Spencer - Relax and enjoy this time with him. It's so fleeting and I just want to play with him and enjoy time with him. Not worry all the time about something that may or may not be and that I can't change either way.

2. Relationship(s) - I'm worthy of Mike's love and I believe that he's not going to hurt me someday because he realizes that somehting better is out there. I'm not a placeholder. He really does love me as much as I love him. Similar thing for friendships.